With all the dramatic and important stuff happening in the world right now, it seems like an excellent time to focus on American Idol. As longtime readers know, I have a kind of love/hate thing with AI. In that I mock and generally despise it . . . and yet watch the damned thing religiously. I don't know what to say. It's a sickness.
Anyway, the big news as of late (for those who don't consider Lohan updates and Suri sightings to be "news") is that they have chosen Ellen DeGeneris to replace Paula Abdul as Idol's newest judge. I give that decision a rousing two yawns out of five.
It's not that I have anything against Ellen. Ever since Rosie O'Donnell departed for Crazy Militant Wench Land, Ellen has done a fine job filling the role as America's Favorite Amiable Lesbian. She's likeable and safely funny in that way that makes her perfect for daytime TV. And Portia DiRossi is pretty hot, so I'll give her points for that too. It's just that I don't see her as a fantastic addition to AI.
The thing about Paula is (while she was known as the "nice judge"), that wasn't the entertaining thing about her. Sure, it's strategic to have her as a counterpoint to Simon, but the trainwreck aspect of it, the tension between her and Simon, and her general craziness were a much bigger contribution to the show than the niceness factor. And I just don't see Ellen filling that void.
Despite her reputation, Paula was not all sunshine and compliments for everyone. She could summon up a critique from time to time, and even occasionally some constructive advice . . . the total incoherence of which only added to its charm. Ellen's judging stints (e.g. on So You Think You Can Dance) indicate one of those be-nice-to-everyone celebrities, which is utterly booooring on a panel that already has Randy and Kara to send us diving for the remote. Dawg. (And the fact that Ellen has another show and image to maintain don't make one optimistic that she'll suddenly discover her cold and mean side.) Frankly, I'm not even sure why she has the credentials to be a judge. I mean, Paula did have a recording career, however trite and brief. Ellen is there on the strength of what? Her comedy chops? Her ability to promote goofy fun dancing?
Of course, I should freely admit that I'm pretty biased against most any Paula replacement. I never would have considered myself a Paula Abdul fan before, but unless they can find someone who will wear a tiara while telling a contestant to sing through her eyelids so that we can see the rainbows in her soul, I'm pretty much guaranteed to be disappointed.
Yesterday, Drudge (and my local news) were both reporting that an anonymous employee at Fox was accusing American Idol of being rigged. According to the story, the Producers have already picked the final four (Adam, Lil Rounds, Danny Gokey, and Alexis Grace). I haven't been so shocked since I learned that the sun would rise again this morning.
Actually, I have no opinion on whether it's true or not because (obvious possible fraud aside) it's pretty clear that the producers already heavily manipulate the results--toying with the actual voting is just the icing on the cake. Let's disabuse ourselves of the notion that this is an actual singing contest and accept it as a popularity contest in which singing plays a part. If it were about singing rather than ratings, then there wouldn't be so many restrictions on who could participate, looks wouldn't matter (and if you think they don't, I've got some prime beachfront property to sell you), and we wouldn't get such an effort at creating diversity in the top 12. And don't even get me started on the overdramatic spats between the "judges."
I've watched this season since the first episode, and they almost don't need to tamper with voting when there are so many ways to manipulate the vote through what they show us. Have you noticed how we get to hear so, so much about certain contestant's backstories (like Danny of the Dead Wife), and yet with others, we know almost nothing? How the judges seem to inexplicably love certain performances that aren't materially any better than anyone else? Last night, Anoop probably did one of the better vocal performances of the night, and while he got love for it, the worship he receives isn't anywhere close to what Danny and Adam get--and yet his voice isn't signicantly better or worse than them. The real difference is that Anoop doesn't have personal tragedy or a bunch of romantic photos with his boyfriend to add to his appeal. (Ok, so maybe the photos don't really help Adam. Based on the Clay Aiken experience, teen girls who watch AI wouldn't believe a guy was gay if he wore a Gay Pride shirt and started fellating the band while singing "I Will Survive." This is because teenage girls are dumb.)
So, am I outraged? Well, again, we don't know if it's true or not, but to me it's almost a detail that they would manipulate voting. It's not as though they have a super-transparent, one-man-one-vote system anyway. The voting has always been manipulated through how they present the contestants, the speed dialing machines, and so on. And it's not as though AI had a lot of musical credibility with me in the first place. But there is a bit of schadenfreude to the whole scandal that is, of course, thoroughly enjoyable. I guess we like being fooled but don't particularly care to know that we've been fooled.
In the update to our Issues with American Idol, there is a mention of my problems with judges laughing at the bad contestants. It has been observed that my feelings on this may just be a sign that I'm going soft in my old age. After all, these people have seen the show, they know what happens, and they're delusional enough (sometimes aggressively so) to think that they're going to win. I can see this point, and I don't take issue with it 99.9% of the time.
So, to clarify, I don't really have a problem with mocking or insulting the aggressively delusional. Generally, these things don't start out confrontational--they only become so after the contestant gets belligerent. And I don't have a problem with telling terrible singers that they don't really have a future in pop music. (If only someone had shared that thought with Pink.) It certainly can be a kindness to give someone a little truth now and then. (And there's nothing funnier than seeing that same terrible singer do a post-audition interview about how no one can see her talent but she's going to prove them all wrong. Honey, you sound like a cat getting run over by a garbage truck. You're not an overlooked gem.)
Nah, what I'm thinking of here are the ordinarily bad--who have obviously been passed through to the judges room in the hopes that they would do something extraordinarily awful and entertaining. But instead they just suck, then stand there with a wavering smile while Simon breaks it to them that they suck at singing. And these are the people that I don't think should be laughed at--the ones that haven't done anything (attitude-wise) to earn any mockery. I can't put my finger on why, but somehow it feels so much more insulting to laugh in someone's face than to tell that they're a bad singer.
And on a separate note, good Lord, will the audition rounds never be over? I wonder how many more seasons this show has in it anyway? I would say that it jumped the shark years ago (when Taylor Hicks won, to be precise), but it's not the Fox way to let shows die a dignified death. I'm guessing the over/under for remaining seasons of American Idol is about 5. Though I'm inclined to take the over.
So we have now embarked upon another season of cheesy performance and manufactured inspiration--all of which I am selflessly exposing myself to in order to complain about for you in our new Issues with American Idol feature.
Watching the audition rounds last night though, one thought kept ocurring to me that I forgot to include in the list: what is with the guys who try out?
There are plenty of possible explanations for this, but it seems like heterosexual male Idol hopefuls who aren't total dorks or otherwise weird as hell are kind of thin on the ground come audition time. It's not quite as noticeable once they move on in the competition because they generally come up with at least one or two normalish young men to take to the top 10. But they seem vastly outnumbered by the people of indeterminate sexuality, delusional weirdos, and total whack-jobs. Even when you get someone who starts to seem like a normal guy (and generally they have a faux "rocker" thing going on), they end up being psychologically fragile Bon Jovi maniacs.
So I'm guessing that--for whatever reason--auditioning for Idol isn't all that popular a move among regular guys. (This does not include doing a fake crazy-person audition in the hopes of making it on TV, which is apparently so popular that it has created a few legends of the genre.) I'm guessing it's because among regular guys with dreams of music stardom, "pop crooner" doesn't really appeal as much as "heavy metal frontman/god." Though I'm also guessing that the legacy of Clay Aiken, Sanjaya, and that prissy dude with the hipster hair and tight pants from last season don't really help things all that much either.
Of course, maybe I'm off the mark completely and there's another explanation. I'm certainly interested in hearing it.
I was a tad grouchy and elitist in today's Daily Fluff, so we'll see if anyone takes issue with my point.
But moving on to more important things, I think that deep down in our hearts, we all like to think that we're slightly cooler than we really are. If we know that we can't make it to cool on the obvious fast cars, money, and women dynamic, than we tell ourselves that we're cool because we don't care if we're cool or because we're not afraid to like un-cool things in a non-ironic way. Or because we went crowd surfing once at a Primus concert. You know, whatever gets you through the day.
Therefore, there are some things that are pretty devestating to one's cool ego. Parenthood can be pretty tough on it, as is the realization that you watched the entire season of Dancing with the Stars. For me, it's American Idol. Oh, I withstood the pernicious influence of the show just fine. (Hey, everyone watches it, ergo it can't be that un-cool, even if it does prominently feature terrible renditions of easy listening songs.) No, my weak point is the American Idol Karaoke Revolution game for X-Box 360. I'm pretty sure that no force on earth can create coolness out of being in your 30s and playing a video game that requires you to sing a karaoke rendition of "Copacabana" on a virtual American Idol stage. But there you are. The truth is, I'm hooked on the judges praise. If you're having a bad day, nothing quite cheers you up like putting it on the easiest level, maxing the song, and then listening to Simon tell you how incredibly wonderful and special you are. I don't care if it's all pre-recorded game blather. Simon thinks I'm cool, and that's good enough for me.
|
RSS Feed
