Uberfluff

There are a bunch of reasons why I don't use Twitter, most of which boil down to pure laziness.  But part of the issue is the fact that there's nothing like Twitter to reveal how complete banal the majority of one's thoughts can be.  And so I present Exhibit A:

I kind of love these sort of things anyway (and thanks to K for the link), but this is even above the average urban ninja-type fare.  No surprise that he's a stuntman.  (From the UK, in case you were wondering.)  Right now, he's apparently working on the new Wachowski brothers film, Cloud Atlas.  (In case it's on the tip of your tongue--the Wachowski bros are most famous for that plummeting descent into nonsense and pretension otherwise known as The Matrix Trilogy.  Also, on an unrelated note, but still included here because I enjoy a good piece of gossip, Larry Wachowski enjoys cross-dressing--which has caused some confusion as to whether he has had a sex change operation or not.)

Anyway, back to the video, which to me raises the important question of why foreigners don't do better at Ninja Warrior:

Alright, I am far from the biggest Alec Baldwin fan.  Though I  have always liked Charles Barkley.  But regardless of my feelings, this whole celebrity gaffe/offense thing has gone way too far.  I understand that we (the public) really look forward to our opportunities to criticize and look down on public figures.  And I don't really want to ruin anyone's fun here.  After all, there's so much to look down on them for.  They're generally richer, more successful, and (often) better looking than us.  If that doesn't earn you the privilege of being overanalyzed and cut-down while having to take it all with a smile and an apology, I don't know what does.  But still, there's a difference between indulging in a little celebrity-focused malice and reacting to everything like one of those grouchy, self-righteous women who takes offense at everything.  You know, like the head of NOW or something.

So Alec Baldwin made a joke about getting a Filipino mail-order bride.  So Barkley said that some women "milk" the pain of labor and delivery and that it's harder to play on a sprained ankle than have a baby.  So the hell what?  Frankly, I'm not even sure what's offensive about Baldwin's comment, and I'm Filipina.  It's a joke, people.  Sure, it implies that a country isn't doing all that well economically, but that's hardly news when it comes to the Philippines, is it?  And on the bright side, it does suggest that the women are attractive enough to be viable mail-order brides.  I can think of a few countries that are lucky that they never had to resort to mail-order brides.  For several reasons.

The Barkley thing is even more puzzling to me, since Barkley has made something of a career out of making startling or outrageous comments.  Well, that and basketball anyway.  And we all know that some women really do "milk" the whole pregnancy and delivery thing.  Sheesh, some women will "milk" the "excruciating" pain of a hangnail.  Having neither played professional basketball on a sprained ankle nor had a 36-hour labor and delivery, I can't really speak to relative pain, but I have it on good authority that both are dwarfed by the pain of a tooth in need of a root canal.  So if you're in that situation, feel free to tell both pregnant women and pro basketball players that they're total wusses.  Though, considering the uncertain tempers of both these groups, I suggest you do it quietly and from a distance of 15-20 feet.

So the big tabloid news at the moment seems to revolve entirely around whether or not Jon Gosselin (of Jon and Kate Plus Eight) cheated on his wife and whether the reality "stars" are getting a divorce.  And all of this conveniently right before their show's new season starts.  What a coincidence!

I confess that I haven't seen much of the show.  I've watched one or two episodes, but I fail to see the long-term entertainment value of watching a passive-agressive schlub and his nagging, OCD wife do cutesy set-up events with their children and then snipe at each other in private interviews.  (This week! The family goes to a petting zoo and then Kate emasculates Jon for forgetting the juice packs.  And don't forget to tune in next week, when they all make s'mores and Kate emasculates Jon for buying the wrong marshmallows!)

So I'm not saying that it's ok to cheat on your wife, regardless of whether or not the publicity is worth thousands of dollars.  (For the record--cheating is not ok unless it's worth millions.)  But I am saying that I understand.  That poor bastard.  He has eight kids and is married to a psycho control freak.  And his life is a TV show.  Who can walk out on eight kids?  You're stuck.  I suppose my feelings on the whole thing are best summed up through the medium of interpretive dance.  Or by this clip from The Soup:

Ok, it's not exactly Tupac vs. Biggie.  Or even Paris vs. Nicole.  But it seems that Nick Cannon has decided to take on Eminem.  Cannon, who is known primarily for a lame "Who's Line" rip-off for MTV and for being the only man on earth able to withstand the essay in high-maintenance that is Mariah Carey, attempted to rip on Eminem in his blog--evidently for mentioning Nick and Mariah in his latest song.  Anyway, Mr. Carey was piiissssed.  Though, unfortunately, he doesn't seem to get any funnier when he's angry.  Some highlights:

"Not only has his music not evolved, but also homeboy is still obsessed with my wife, the same female that wouldn’t let him get to second base from 8 years ago! He even describes his desperate lameness in this bad excuse for storytelling track. That’s some real middle school shit right there! (What type of grown ass man lies about getting with a chick) Only Slim Lamey! LOL!"

*Prue's note: Yes, I am sorry to report that Nick Cannon actually LOL'd.  We are not yet certain whether he ROFLMAO'd, but are concerned that it is indeed possible.  I don't even want to talk about the "Slim Lamey" crack.  I seriously cannot believe that this guy is paid actual money for being "funny."  Anyway, back to the quotes . . .

"Then I asked myself should I go find this Bitch and just whoop his little ass? But that might have just been the Creatine and protein shakes talking! LOL. Even though most people don’t know that I’m nice in the ring and have been training in boxing and Martial Arts for years that would just be childish and silly of me to bully this dude. He clearly has been picked on all his life and I would hate to add to his deep-rooted pain"

*Prue again: I'm not sure what to say about the need to point out what a great boxer, kung fu master, and all around badass you are in your blog.  I would expand, but I'm late for my ninja classes.  Have I mentioned that I know 100 ways to kill a man using only a paper clip?

"You sold your little records and made a little bit of change but now you are stepping in the wrong territory. You may have been able to rape and pillage our artform like an old school Caucasian con man and nobody said anything because we respected your talent, but now you’ve made the ultimate mistake. Don’t you know that the black woman is the foundation and the strongest force in our culture? Take notes homey, Elvis would have never disrespected Aretha Franklin or Diana Ross. You were supposed to just do your little song and dance, make your little racist money and call it a day. But no, you had to dishonor the black man’s most precious counterpart."

*Another note from Prue: This is the end of a long rant about how racist Eminem is in general, and more specifically because he attacked Mariah.  Frankly, I'm a little surprised that someone as racist as Eminem allegedly is (according to Cannon) gets along so well with people like 50 Cent and Dr. Dre.  Eminem . . . the most incompetent racist ever.  (Interestingly, most of the racism I see here seems to be aimed at Eminem here rather than coming from him.  Methinks Mr. Cannon might be projecting a bit.)

"I’m taking full action on you Eminem. I don’t know why no one has stood up to your bitch ass yet. But I guess it’s going to take a corny, wack rapping, boy toy from Nickelodeon to set you straight. And trust, I am going to be relentless. Even though I got a lot of other obligations and occupations, you are my new full time job “homey”! As a matter of fact I think you going to bring my wack rhymes out of retirement! That’s right haters; you can thank Eminem because I’m going to start rapping again! LOL Just for him! And don’t forget about the jokes! We coming at you hard body!! Non-stop on your Manic-depressive-Insecure-Maclovin-Nazi- Liza Minelli haircut havin-lookin ass!! [Pause] That’s what I do all day Bitch!"

*Last comment from Prue: I confess to being a little confused here.  For awhile it seemed like Cannon was threatening to beat Eminem up, which seemed a bit unwise to me.  (See earlier comment about Dre and 50 Cent.)  But now it seems like he's threatening him with rap.  Ooooooo-kay then.  So now, all I can figure is that Cannon was planning to do a rap album all along (only one guess on who is going to sing on it) and decided that the only way to get people to buy it--or even care--was some dumb trumped-up feud with Eminem.  God, that's so lame it makes me want to LOL and LMAO.  Though if it works, I'll be starting my own feud with Eminem shortly.  Look for my new album in stores next month.

**Note: I've been told that Mr. Cannon has since apologized and claimed that his blog was hacked--evidently by the much-feared Rambling, Long-winded, and Incoherent Hacker of Doom.  Right.  Were he to say that he accidentally drunk-posted, I would find the whole thing a bit more credible.  Anyway, whatever the excuse, it's still all very funny to me, so I'm not changing anything.

Admittedly, I'm a little biased, seeing as I hate Miley Cyrus and everything she stands for with the burning fire of a thousand suns.  Also, she can't sing.  And her name is stupid.  And I'm fresh out of patience with the disingenuous "What do you mean this is slutty?" teen star thing.  And don't even get me started on her insipid giggle or the never-ending stream of brainless bs that constantly spews from her mouth.  And . . . er . . . sorry, I got a little carried away and lost my main point there.  Anyway, when I heard that Jamie Foxx was doing the whole groveling apology-thing for remarks he made on-air about Miley, I have to admit I was hoping for something really good and nasty.  At least something equivalent to the abuse that has been (so deservedly) heaped on Paris Hilton or Lindsey Lohan. 

And so I was a little disappointed by the actual comments that provoked this tempest in a B-cup.  I mean, sure, it was a little harsh, but the context is so clearly in the radio show mockery category that it lacked any of the heat or seriousness that would make it deserving of a real apology.  To be honest, I'm a little disappointed in Jamie Foxx for going the whole Mea Maxima Culpa route.  If you're going to defend yourself on the ground that you're a comedian offering comic commentary, then don't cave in and undermine your point by apologizing.  Of course, I'm not sure that Foxx really counts as a comedian anymore anyway.  He certainly acts like a movie star, as his little excursion into public apology land seems to demonstrate.  Comedians say vastly more offensive things all the time and never book Leno appearances to squirm out of the furor over them.

Anyway, if you haven't already heard them, you can listen to Foxx's original comments below.  It should probably go without saying that it isn't remotely work safe.

Today's Daily Fluff about Madonna reminded me that Madonna's much heralded adoption of a 3-year-old girl from Malawi ended up being denied by the Malawi courts.  Apparently, the girl's extended family wants to care for her and has been fighting the adoption despite the pressure put on them to give in and the promises that the girl would go off and become a doctor or lawyer, then return to Malawi to take care of them all.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Why the hell does Madonna keep trying to adopt Malawi children who have living parents/relatives to care for them?  It's not as though there aren't plenty of orphans around the world who don't.  The whole thing is incredibly weird and creepy, and sinks my opinion of Madonna even farther (if such a thing is possible).  I don't have any issue at all with adoption in general.  Unlike other people, I don't think Angelina Jolie is weird and crazy--well, at least not for reasons related to her many adopted children.  Madonna, however, gives the impression that every time she feels lonely or needs an image boost, she jets off to an impoverished region of Africa to pick out a new baby.

So yes, I'm glad that she got turned down.  I'm going to make the assumption that Madonna doesn't get a lot of people saying, "no" to her.  (This explains the horrible leotard phase she went through.)  Moreover, there probably aren't many things that happen that she can't buy her way out of.  This is one situation where I don't even feel bad about my Madonna schadenfreude.

So the celebrity gossip machine has given us a bit of an insight into the crazy control-freakness that is Madonna's custody arrangement with Guy Ritchie.  Let's not forget here that she is divorcing him after having an affair with A-Rod.

Anyway, Madonna has apparently demanded that when their sons, Rocco (8) and David (3), visit Guy Ritchie that they can't read newspaper or magazines, meet any of his girlfriends, or have their photograph taken.  They also have to drink only kabbalah water (it's like regular water, only more famous and cultish), wear clothes made from natural fibers, and only play with "spiritually and ethically" sound toys.  Wow, that sounds like a blast.

What exactly is a spiritually and ethically sound toy?  I know that it can't be legos since everyone knows that those longer blocks are spiritually bankrupt little sluts.