If there are any women out there who find goatees sexy, will you please step forward and explain your reasoning? Now let's be specific here. I'm not saying that someone who isn't already sexy won't remain sexy despite the goatee. I'm just saying that a goatee never increases overall sex appeal. There are several reasons for this:
1.) They give a slight "unwashed slacker" vibe that brings to mind the grunge era of the '90s and a time when Ethan Hawke was considered hot. This is depressing enough to completely destroy any possible appeal of the goatee.
2.) When they're not reminding you of overly sensitive guys in flannel shirts, writing angry songs about their parents' divorce, they remind you of cheesy French guys with berets.
3.) They make your chin look like a vagina. I'm just saying.
4.) Possibly even worse than the scruffy and unkempt goatee is the carefully groomed goatee. This makes me suspect that the guy is dying for a chance to read you his poetry while making you listen to his Youssou N'Dour CDs.
I will grant that there are certain specific categories of movie star who will successfully employ this look in roles where they are either wealthy playboys or clever criminals. However, I maintain that while they may remain hot despite the goatee, no one ever becomes hotter because of a goatee.
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