Last night, on the Celebrity Apprentice (yes, I watch because evidently I'm a masochist), the teams had to put together some kind of product launch/presentation for a new video phone. Since watching a catty "model" (whose main career accomplishment is the ability to open a suitcase on TV) attempt to manage a group of B-listers isn't exactly mentally taxing, I then had plenty of time to reflect on my issues with video phones. Which mostly boils down to one thing:
People who make video phones do not understand women.
The last thing that I need in my life is to worry about how I look when I'm on the phone. I like taking work calls in ratty pajamas. I don't want to have to brush my hair before calling a colleague to ask about a deadline. I don't need my mom to see the piles of dishes and laundry that tend to accumulate in my house. And I don't want my boss to know that I'm playing solitaire while I listen to him repeat himself for the 25th time about something or other. In other words--I don't want a video phone. I have skype and a webcam--if I really need someone to be able to see my face, they can. On my terms. And don't even try to suggest that you'll have the option of turning off video for any of these calls. Technically speaking, you might, but you know that everyone would be asking why you turned off the video, and it would turn into this big deal. I mean, look at all the drama inherent in de-friending someone on Facebook. And I can't even imagine the pressure of trying to date in a world of video phones. It would probably turn me into a twitchy mess, sleeping with a tube of mascara clutched in my fist.
Personally, I blame the Jetsons. I think the vid-phone people watched it as kids and thought, "Well, I can't make a machine that cooks dinner, but I can definitely invent a phone/television." And they always try to sell it to us with the idea that we can share these touching moments--like our child's first steps--with distant loved ones via the phone. I don't know about you, but very few of my phone calls have to do with major life milestones. And anyway, I have something called a camera, which handles those very well, and with much less dialing and, "hold on--you're breaking up," involved. The vast majority of my phone calls involve discussion of whether we should get pizza or Mexican for dinner, and frankly, I don't need to bring video images into that conversation.
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