Hulagan's NCAA Football Picks
9/8/09
An Apology from the Editor--due to technical issues involving laziness and procrastination, this did not get posted Friday as it was supposed to be. Please accept out apologies and enjoy this (now totally outdated) update.
Aloha y'all! I'm back for the 2009-2010 NCAA college football season. In order to stay truly uniformed this year I have not read or watched any College Football previews, in fact I even missed the the National Signing Day Jamboree on ESPN Ocho. This year I am completely and unabashedly uniformed about college football. So uniformed in fact that I was preparing for kickoff weekend and realized that much like all my weekends it starts on Thursday. Since the NCAA and I want to get a start on our beer and hot-wing fueled 5 months of football debauchery, Here goes......
Thursday (9/3) games
Utah State @ Utah (19)
Is their really a difference? Both teams hail from the Mormon capital of the free world. They both are in oft-ignored conferences. In fact I think the BCS doesn't know which is which either and are required to come up with 25 pre-season teams, and picked the Utes because Utah come before Utah State alphabetically. So, I think I'm going to cut all schools with the Aggie nickname a break this year. Hence the picking of Utah State.
Oregon (16) @ Boise State (14)
So I may have lied a bit about being uniformed. However, in my defense knowing lots about the WAC teams is not necessarily brag-worthy or sexy for that matter. Boise State is fielding their best team this year. They have a ballsy coach and the best field in college football. Boise State continues to get branded as a dark horse contender each year even after they consistently beat top ranked teams. Being Cinderella has its advantages you get a free makeover, a pretty dress and a date to the ball. Boise State will upset the Ducks.
Saturday (9/5) games
Navy @ Ohio State (6)
I would love to pick Navy. I'm a supporter of the Military and Military Academies. I would also like to attend a Navy Ball (please send your invites via the contact form). I also despise the Ohio State (or any university that use the in its name, yes I'm talking to you UVA.). But it would be foolish of me to deny that Ohio State has the better team here. This is due to Ohio State's thriving classroom to penitentiary program and sketchy academic requirements. If Navy would forgo their out-of-date "standards" they too could compete for top athletes.
Akron @ Penn State (9)
I realize that these are all non-conference fluff games. So my pick should surprise no one. It is a surprise, however that the Akron mascot is a Kangaroo and they are called the Zips. What the what!!! So I researched this and saw that they held a contest back in 1953 and while names like Rubbernecks and Cheveliers were submitted, they chose Zippers (later shortened to Zips). Which just happened to be a rubber overshoe made by BF Goodrich, a major donor to the school. (the person who submitted the winning name got a pair of zippers, which is certainly a contender for prizes no one really wants to win. Imagine what the Rubberneck submitter would have won if his mascot was chosen.) The University of Akron Zips is my vote for the 2009 Mascot Hall-of-Shame award.
Northern Iowa @ Iowa (22)
Northern Iowa hasn't beat Iowa in 111 years. Keep the streak alive!!!!
Jacksonville State @ Georgia Tech (15)
I've been watching a lot of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Those beeyotches is crazy (and violent). I'm sure one of them is a Tech fan (UGA girls are a tad bit classier). So aside from the fact that Jacksonville State is not likely to pull the Appalachian State style upset of 2009, I'm picking Tech out of respect (fear) for the Housewives of the ATL.
Georgia (13) @ Oklahoma State (9)
This is my pick for most exciting game this week. SEC and Big 12 are the number 1 and 2 conferences (not necessarily, in that order, but that all depends on who is buying my drinks for the evening). I could explain why I feel these conferences are the best and go one about the rosters and key players for each team, and make a informed educated analysis. However I'm picking Oklahoma State because if one more guy tells me (or writes) how hot the girls from Georgia are I'm gonna shove a peach up their.... I'm not hating, l I have a few acquaintances that are alumnae and I am know the girls are pretty, but once a sportswriter makes a claim all the armchair qbs agree and proselytize faster than a UGA girl goes from a a-cup to a d-cup.
Nevada @ Notre Dame (23)
Let me make this clear, I'm a Notre Dame fan. A subway fan. I could not attend college there due to my casual attitude towards assignments and High School in general. I have been watching ND for 13 plus years now, I have a plethora of reasons I am a fan. So just in case ND manages to stay in the top 25 (fingers crossed), I will always pick them to win. Even if they play against Ditka.
San Jose State @ USC (4)
I'll spare you my rant about the smug douchebaggery of USC and its alumni. I'd love to pick San Jose but even with a true freshman at QB for Southern Cal, San Jose will have a tough time beating USC.
Citadel @ North Carolina (21)
Dang there are a lot of games this weekend. For realsies.
Charleston Southern @ Florida (1)
1 word, TEBOW! In an unprecedented move he has decided to give the rest of his team the day off and plans to play Charleston Southern by himself. My prediction Florida-77, CS-3. (It would have been scoreless, but a fan in the stands went into cardiac arrest. Tebow preformed CPR during the Charleston Southern field goal attempt and was unable to block it)
Northern Colorado @ Kansas (25)
Rock, Chalk Jayhawk is still befuddling.It will confuse the Northern Colorado Bears enough for Kansas to squeak by with a win and hold on to their coveted BCS poll spot.
Florida Atlantic @ Nebraska (24)
Nebraska could not get confirmation from The Nebraska College for the Blind and Destitute for their 1st game. Florida Atlantic was their 2nd choice.
Brigham Young (20) @ Oklahoma (3)
Sam Bradford will make BYU more submissive than their mormon wives.
Louisiana-Monroe @ Texas (2)
The only thing more ridiculous than this match-up is Colt McCoy's attempt to grow a mustache.
Alabama (5) @ Virginia Tech (7)
Kudos to Tech and Alabama for scheduling a non-conference game that will not be a massive blow out. Nick Saban is a football savant and I'm sure they have already begun to erect a statue of him in the state capitol. Roll Tide!
Maryland @ Cal (12)
It has come to my attention that I have picked mostly home teams and teams that are ranked. I'm sure that this pick will affect my overall record, but I wouldn't want everyone thinking I'm some type of expert.
LSU (11) @ Washington
I love, love, LOVE that LSU fans honor their Cajun heritage by spelling go-Geaux.
Ole Miss (8) @ Memphis
Since I will be doing this every week till Bowl Season, I'll save my pithy comments and observations for another post. (To be completely honest I started to lose steam about 7 games ago.)